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Mon, Jun. 13th, 2005, 11:04 am
hocked from ladysorrow

*note to ladysorrow*<--- These songs mean lots to me too! :) thank you for them

** Mean a lot to me **
1. 'Lullaby' Assembladge23
2. 'Ana's Song' Silverchair
3. 'Coma White' Manson
4. 'Hello' Evanescence
5. 'Eternal' Origin
6. 'Forgive me' L'ame Imortalle
7. 'Dissopoint' Assembladge23
8. 'Sign of the Zodiac' Rasputina
9. 'Purify' Lacuna Coil
10. 'Missing' Blink

** I really enjoy **
1. ' Where the wild roses grow' Nick Cave + The badseeds
2. ' A forrest' Blank+Jones ft Robert Smith
3. ' Supermodel inc' Larry tee
4. 'Blue Bell Knoll'-Cocteau Twins
5. 'Spellbound' Siouxsie and the banshees
6. 'The Bomb' Neuroticfish
7. 'the river' Tapping the vein
8. 'Got to wake up soon' Baxter
9. 'Weightless' My Ruin
10. 'Transylvanian concubine' Manson/Rasputina

Mon, Jun. 6th, 2005, 07:28 pm
help fuck chem. anyone wana help with chem?

holy fuck back AWAY you LIGHTNING CRASHING THUNDERING MONSTER

ahhh

 

the whole world hates me!

Sat, Jun. 4th, 2005, 05:59 pm
JOIN FORUM YAY

Join Stephs Forum !
link:

http://waketodie.proboards45.com/index.cgi

Fri, Jun. 3rd, 2005, 11:02 pm

 

Dee or Amy Lee?

Wed, Jun. 1st, 2005, 07:25 pm

I cant do this
I cant I cant I cant


Ill post later...fucking LJ erased my entry and now im more sad.



stephanita

Tue, May. 31st, 2005, 09:43 pm

Plastic World

 

It is mourning inside a painting; where the colors run like tears

The world is veiling emotion; blurred beyond its years.

Known for its blanked eyes; and grim whisper of decisions

How it taints their lips to be hollowed, and their minds with self derision

For just one whisper; just one whisper to my love; Stole my soul

 

We will do anything that the voices say

Taking pride and we die for the god that we’ve made.

And the voices rise, and were plagued with infection

Stealing our innocent souls; becoming perfection.

By the way we are used, in loving abuse, by the gain, from our pain which you induced

The echo loudly says “I have built you, but I can knock you down. Become empty; make me proud”

We will do anything that the voices say; Taking pride and we die for the god that we’ve made.

And the voices rise, and we are consumed, as our minds are crowded

“Deprive yourself, as I demand; I have built you, but I can knock you down”

It just takes one swing; And you better step lightly

For your  walking on glass”

 

Since the ones who could see –They’ve faded away,

Gone to a better place, but blinded here we stay.

Our souls have been stolen, our hearts carried away

Our painted eyes are missing things

And all bodies stand like statues made of stone

We will do anything that the voices say

Taking pride and we die for the god that we’ve made.

And the voices rise, and were plagued with infection

By the way we are used, in loving abuse,

Stealing our innocent souls; becoming perfection.

 

We will do anything that the voices say

Taking pride and we die for the god that we’ve made.

And the voices rise, and were plagued with infection

Stealing our innocent souls; becoming perfection.

By the way we are used, in loving abuse, by the gain, from our pain which you induced

The echo loudly says “I have built you, but I can knock you down. Become empty; make me proud”

 

We're taking pride and we die for the god that we’ve made.

And the voices rise, and we are consumed, As the words pound in our minds

“Deprive yourself, as I demand; I have built you, but I can knock you down. You weak thing. I will knock you down. It just takes one swing; And you better step lightly

For your  walking on glass”

 

Now I’m down once more—Tonight once more

Lying in a puddle of guilt on the floor

Lust will creep through your veins—tonight once more

You’ll corrode the world--Tonight once more

 

And the voices rise, and they come my way—in  self affliction and vanity they made

But the voices rise; so do our cries—increasing the lost look in our eyes

Now you are loved; through our pain; and though you brainwash us; you also keep us sane

We love your touch, We love your blade—We love the mark you make after our debase.

We worship you, our god — you’ve created this plastic world

We envy your tainted soul

Thank you  for our emaciated hearts and  for taking our control

You’ve made us see, so many things

The beauty that the pain can bring

 

 

Fri, May. 27th, 2005, 09:21 pm
The mirror broke me first

Some zoloft,

 "my little pony",

a new LJ icon,

 the fear or being killed, raped, alone, hurting someone, getting hurt, being hated, getting killed by a doctor, being poisoned, going to sleep, being lost.

New eyeliner,
more writing,
a shitload of work,
a 3 hour car ride to see family,
ED interview thing, which i panicked over but decided was a good thing to do.

Injection; Perfection
My last mess of words:

Injection; Perfection

Misconstrued calumny's absorbed in the slumber, of your dying dreams;
Though you attempt to fade, with distant eyes; evaporate
The lies you instigate, still trail from behind

Disheartened and petrified; shadow the monolithic light.
A fugitive; a renegade, who's fabricating
A fleeing notion, from daunting rage
You're a paper tiger, who denies; the malady of empty eyes
When you've been corrupted; you try to alleviate the pain
Curing your reality; injecting deceit and treachery.

Hiding in your sanctity; washing away the footsteps you've made
Concealing weakened eyes, under the web you forever weave.
Can you escape this masque you've made,
When you're tangled in an empty, hollowed life?

Silence won't convince the world; that you are not lost inside.
Fighting attack, beneath your veil; shrouding contempt without avail
Once again; unrequited memories, swarm through your mind.
When will you escape this masque you've made,
When you're dying in this empty hollowed life?
You're only hiding in your sanctity, washing away the footprints you create;
Concealing weakened eyes.


A freaky ass nightmare,
some emails,
some depression and anxiety, tears and blood, 
need sleep.

 


I am myself. That is never enough.

still


 

The therapist looked at the girl with a puzzled face and asked; 

"What do you do when your life feels like it's falling apart?"

The girl looked at him and replied;

"I try to kill myself."

 

 

Goodnight

Sun, May. 22nd, 2005, 09:30 pm

under the pink Harlequin sunglasses, strawberry lipstick, earrings dangling charms, and sugar-frosted eye shadow, she was really almost beautiful."

***Anyone care to burn me an album or mix.....The Cocteau Twins, The New York Room, Dredsen Dolls or Nightwish? Ill definetly pay for shipping and costs of effort and blank CD ***

Personally, I’ve got the star trait of curious questioning as a Taurus Decante of Virgo. Though I am no where near organized; I’m the listless perfectionist as of now, but I don’t mind too much. Being this way; I know I can be studious, and I am at times, but I am less book knowledge and more human mind type knowledge. I think I’ve been told by every therapist I’ve been sent to that I would make a terrific therapist. I don’t think Id wants to do that, but I do admit; I always end up coming to all the conclusions and ideas about myself that those therapists are paid to come up with.  I’ve been told that Virgo’s do tend to not do well under pressure and letting go or change, but I suppose you’d know more than I. In all of a I do not apply to any “ good virgo characteristics” but as for the bad ones; they certainly explain me. Too critical, and sensitive, insecure, shy, over worked, too nervous, isolated and paranoid. ::giggles:: definitely applies to me.

 .  I guess you could say that mentally I’m just a purple/7th chakrah sort of person. I suppose physically sometimes too as well due to my circulation teehee. Purple meaning the whole spiritual thing. I love to read and learn (mostly) but I’d easily burn school work to replace such things with meditation or art. I’m such a weird chicky. I’m a rambler too, as you can tell

I read over letters a lot. Letters are wonderful things. I suppose much better when handwritten, so I apologize for typing this up as I will be sure to handwrite one in the near future. Ive got loads cos I save every single one.

As always my writing of this letter is rather jumpy as I can never concentrate on just one topic without rambling on it for hours usually but I am also  attention deficit and all over the place. The weather has been very nice recently. There is just a light breeze and though I rarely wear pants trousers (mostly skirts or dresses) I am comfortable without stockings or knit socks, because of the sun.  sorry for this abrupt stop, but I’ve got to get some homework done before my mother gets stroppy. But I wont.

Shitty everything. Please Forgive me, but I dont know what to do about all this. How much is a sensless world worth? I need to breathe, but I can't easily anymore. Mentally.

You look a lot like me. You are ugly too. I see those awful plain brown eyes and that protruding stomach under that tee-shirt. I think you could learn a lot from me. I have spent years observing you…your unattractiveness and your longing for beauty. I see you hiding. Your are hiding behind every physical feature you have. You don’t know much about yourself do you? I have learned a lot from my mistakes. I can teach you to become beautiful and happy. Look at that hideous smile. It is quite obvious that you are faking it. Dear, smiles are a symptom of happiness and can be faked – don’t assume that everyone who is smiling smiles because they are happy. Cry on the floor for another hour. Self affliction might be the answer, but you aren’t going to get any happier that way. Oh little one, you are young and scared – I know. Tough it out! I know you hate yourself and want to die. Well then why would you just get the courage to go through with it and end it all?! Look!  Look at me. I am all you have. You don’t have anyone to help you. You don’t have anyone to take you into your arms and tell you that it’s going to be ok. All you have is me – ugly and hateful, me… and you are going to have to accept it. Accept the fact that you are ugly and worthless – Don’t turn away from me young girl! Look at me in the eye! . . . You never could bare your reflection could you?

 brake for some musings of mine:

 

In the veiled corner, the shadows stay; performing an act.

It was a vengeful sort of circus.

The toys dance; enchanted as she sits and cries.

Forlorn, in the midst of havoc; Swirling prisms, cast upon the open ground. Diluting her eyes with rainbow dyes,                                                                                                                                                                            They asked her if shed come to play.

 

So she walks on over, to pick up the fire—

For the warmth was a whimsical song.

Then the pain is searing through her, jagged glass, sharp world again.

Like the knife of which incandescence, mirrored curiosity—

Reflecting a shimmer, of both delightful eyes

 And of ominous black clouds

 

The way this little world is circulating. Everything is spinning;

Born, only to die. Leaking wonder it is, that these toys come alive.

The painted faces, without eyes; Dance with smiles as she cries.

They spoke with imperceptible voices

It was a vengeful sort of circus. It was a bitter sort of crime.

When they asked her if shed come to play

 

Dee bought me Susie Sad Eyes Dollie *hugs dee* <3<3<3

 

Sat, May. 21st, 2005, 09:07 pm

Hello everyone
I see lil dead dolly chicky; steph o course has been on LJ a bit. I have been in uni, but soon im on hols and get to visit family in perth. wahoo. I havent spoken to steph in ages but the fact that shes posted a bit is good. I got mail the other day from her saying shes finally back. but from where i asked and she then emailed saing something like..."i dont know. for all i know i could be sick. 13 day pills.13.13.13 can you believe it? hahaI could be dying." I asked her to explain and she never replied. But before she said i could write entries still if i want cos she dont got access much, but Ive been busy as fuck with my mates and work so i havent. I hope that chickys alright, but I guess....shes not usually. I dont mean that in a bad way...well it is bad, but i mean. I dont know what I mean. Im sorry journal viewers. Time for this ol gob of mine to hush. Ive got so much studying to do so ill check back soon or post if i can.

Steph got a poem published in Teenink's anuall poetry journal, which gets posted out. Just a tidbit of good news.




well off I go

KareBearsSuck,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Kara

Sat, May. 21st, 2005, 10:48 am

Siobhmhaith


7 in hebrew?

*ponders*

who would have guessd?

skipped back 10