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Wed, Dec. 28th, 2005, 08:39 am
אני המלאך שרוצה למות

Here at the entrance of this place, hangs a large marquee. Its lights flash
as if to welcome you with dancing stars and the lights of Vegas. Nobody can
truly understand; the unwelcoming blindness that penetrates into our eyes.

“You have arrived to nowhere, but we nothing here for you” it says;
Flourished and vibrant like a circus advertisement. The boundaries end here
like barbed wire marked by this sign. This sign of opportunity and glamour,
of riches and bohemia…yet clear as crystal the message remains “we have
nothing here for you.”

And you know there is never a way out of here; for there isn’t an exit from
this place. The mind may forever remain an unsolved mystery—floating into
the realm we may never access again. Though we see child prodigies, freak
shows, and alcoholics— though we see the Barbie dolls, the demons and the
junkies.. The mind is full of all that’s indefinite and unknown. People
don’t care to know such things as that. Part of what can be derived from
soul searching, is only that of which is permitted for one to see. Many
minds fall for trickery; ruining the last of your intuitive essence. The
mind is simply self destructive isn’t it…our dependence; our drug; our killer.

Perhaps we are too artistic of a human race. We have become pseudo
superstars and billionaires. We don’t care about the emotions we’ve
lost—everyone is living life numbly and contently. Painting their scenery
with acrylics we create a circus world of beautiful things and magic. We
line the outskirts of our universe with smoke and mirrors; to hide the
dreary skies which surround us.

Some decide to breathe in the air which has been polluted forever. No one
tries to hold their breath. Instead we buy cigarettes and karma beads…
Dropping sadness down a sewer for the rats to feed on; we loose all
desperation and our sad hearts become vengefully fake. To admit you are
alone is virtually suicide. Nobody belongs in a world like this.

We tread on along down the never ending roads in circles; never getting
anywhere; but never admitting we have been corrupted. We wear feathered
masks covered in glitter. We dye our hair fluorescent pink and turbulent
indigo. Together every sullen heart silently sinks behind the
synthetic” sweet n low” smiles … Silently every heart silently wonders
how many colours it will take for the pain to vanish for good;
Even the Barbie Doll junkie goddesses ; who hide behind sleek, Cirque-DeNoir
sunglasses glasses wondering how much makeup it will take
to turn us to a race of fiction; a film.

Reality is merely perception…and we all perceive different things—clearly
reality is a matter of trust and faith… something extinct and unnatural. We
starve ourselves just as to disappear behind our painted on smiles. We lie
to ourselves every day. No one can trust us and we can’t trust ourselves,
but there’s no reason to trust anything. We are tie-dyed with aesthetic
virtue, with glamorous pride and perfection as we waste away in this place.
The glass is always half full of emptiness.

Nowhere can provide you with a decent lie, a true secret for riches and fame
of course. But what is left once your dream; your ambitions of lies, is
stripped away? The answer remains; absolutely nothing. Once all your riches
and make-up— your masks and fame weaken away, you notice…you were never
anything to begin with. We wonder to ourselves…Nothing is left, but how will
we ever make nothing leave? You can’t kill your shadow or the gleam in your
eyes…or the mirror…and it wouldn’t make a difference if we tried to.
What this world has become is a bizarre concept to everybody’s understanding.
Nobody questions the answer they never get when they veil their darkness

What is human nature? Is it the survival instinct?
to fend for oneself ...to find happiness where it doesnt exsist.

Nothing is something we experience with every breath of our non-existence
here in nowhere. Can you imagine the hunger…the adaptation we make to find
nourishment in emptiness? Can you imagine how we have to make pain, in order
to make the numbness go away? Everything that seems so simple and real might
as well be nothing at all.

2 days left.......even angels die

Wed, Dec. 28th, 2005 04:33 pm (UTC)

*huge hugs* to my little philosopher

Thu, Dec. 29th, 2005 01:45 pm (UTC)

Very vivid post... and so true.
*hugs* love ya sis